I’ve had John Denver’s Annie’s Song in my head all week, with no explanation of why. This morning on my walk I turned it on, and as it streamed through my earbuds, I instinctively began to pray the lyrics to my Lord.

“You fill up my senses
Like a night in a forest
Like the mountains in springtime
Like a walk in the rain
Like a storm in the desert
Like a sleepy blue ocean
You fill up my senses
Come fill me again

Come, let me love you
Let me give my life to you
Let me drown in your laughter
Let me die in your arms
Let me lay down beside you
Let me always be with you
Come, let me love you
Come love me again

Let me give my life to you
Come, let me love you
Come love me again”

Now, this is not the first time I’ve prayed a love song, but to sing this song in praise was the most reverent moment I’ve experienced in the past year. Today is the anniversary of a painful event for me. I’m thankful for it because without it, I would’ve never started singing Annie’s Song in praise and worship this morning.

The words captured the glorious creation I was witnessing all around me, which seemed to be shouting His goodness and beauty.

Then came my asking Him to let me love Him. I asked that He would make me truly mean that.

I said I gave my life to Him but I could feel the inability in me to do that on my own. He already has my life, but daily I must lay it down. I felt keenly the dissimilitude in the desires of my heart, and the way I lived. The inconsistency in what I felt, and what I wanted to feel.

I want to hear the laugh of God again, where He has felt so silent for so long.

I want to die in His embrace, to die to myself.

I longed to lay down beside Him, to always be at unshakable rest with Him.

And the prayer ended echoing again, “Let me love You, come love me again.” This time is was truer than the first time I said it.

I listened to that song around 20 times. I am a firm believer that humans are so dense and hardhearted, it takes long repetition to wake up and mean what we say. It’s why I repeat the Lord’s prayer multiple times a day, and why I tell my family I love them so often. In saying it so often, I begin to believe it, and start to really live like it. I am forever discouraged at my lack to really love God, and my weak worship of Him. But today was a glimmer at truer worship. Today I am humbled and in awe. Amen.

Mark 9:24

“… I believe; help my unbelief!”